Conflicts can be open and hidden. Open conflicts shape as quarrel, scandal, fight etc. Hidden conflicts have no impressive outward manifestation, this is inside dissatisfaction, but their influence on marital relations isn´t perceptible less than open ones. The peculiarities of conflicts at the family are expressed by that psychical condition of spouses can come to stress, distorting the human´s psychic; there intensifies negative feelings at the spiritual world of human, there can occur the condition of emptiness, while which everything seem to be indifferent. The conflicted is caused by some complicated for spouses problem. Conflicts are specific for different stages of family development. The deeper scientists learn marital relations the more firmly they are convinced of impossibility of existing of harmonious families. Spouses, especially young, usually dramatize every questionable situation and consider that the only one way of solving this problem is divorce.

In consideration of problem of interpersonal relations, it´s necessary to notice that this psychological phenomenon was most widely examined at the works of N.N. Obosov. Author affirms that interpersonal mutual relations are motivational readiness of partners to the defined type of feelings, actions, operations. In the researcher´s opinion mutual relations are formed not only at the process of joint activity, but also through the prism of personality attitude to labour, other individuals and to oneself.

T. Lyri mentions that personality reveals at the behavior through the defined styles of interpersonal relations. In connection with this the researcher singles out such styles of mutual relations as «dominance - subordination», and «friendliness - hostility».

There are a lot of reasons of family conflicts: different views to the family life; unrealized expectations and dissatisfied needs, which are connected with family life; hard drinking of one of spouses; adultery; rudeness, disrespect attitude to one another; unwillingness of husband to help wife at house work; daily life; disrespect attitude of husband to wife´s relatives or on the contrary; differences at spiritual interests and needs etc.

As it is known very often any conflict situation is accompanied by quarrel between the spouses. Appearance of quarrels, which never come tracklessly, is one of the most ruinous consequences of adaptation of young spouses and their feelings. People usually say: the falling out of lovers is the renewing of love. But this is not true. Every quarrel is irreversible, that means it leaves traces on further relations. Quarrel is always exaggerated with sharp words, foolish reproaches, unfair accusations. Most often the unrealized reason of quarrel is negative psychological aim. At the condition of emotional fatigue human always became captious and unfulfilled. It´s better to understand at once the reason of derangement and ad locum demonstrate this understanding.

Conflicts often have steady character there, where one´s consider that at marital life we can not to control oneself: I can tell all what I want, I can act any way I want to act. Attentively analyzing all the arguments, young pair will easy reveal that the majority of them could be avoided and reasonably solved without collision. Therefore it´s necessary to take into attention the use of developed by specialists strategy of leading the family argument.

The first condition of leading the culture argument of two loving spouses is not to strive for victory. It´s necessary to remember: your victory is defeat of another spouse, the defeat of beloved person. And then, defeated person is the member of the same family, so, any victory of one is the defeat of the whole family in common.

To the second place there should be raise the respect of spouse, doesn´t matter what fault lies with him. Even at the minutes when one of the spouts is gripped by offence, jealousy, fury, it´s necessary to remember: as this is person who recently was the dearest person for him.

At old Russian intelligent families there existed a custom: while the quarrels and conflicts spouses pass from «you» to formal terms. Who can say how many troubles and divorces were saved because of this formal «You». Because it preserved oneself dignity and didn´t humble dignity of other person. And if it was found out that the reason of quarrel is not worth a bean (and such kind of quarrels, especially at young families, is the most popular), that it was easy to return to normal relations.

At least, the third most important condition of peaceful end of family quarrel is not to remember about it. Specialists, who study the psychology of family relations, affirm: the faster there is forgotten the bad, the nicer, and happy is family. In their opinion, there is categorically prohibited to mention those reasons that made the quarrel, which have been already analyzed. It should be made a rule: how bad is the offence, which was inflicted by one spouse to another, but if conflict took place, relations were clear and there ensued an armistice, we should forget about it forever.

The definition of character of conflict depends on that, promotes it or not saving and development of marital relations. By this foundation all existed conflicts are considered to be constructive (they are desirable and even necessary for development of relations at the family) and destructive (which block adaptive processes). The consequence of destructive conflict is saving for the long time the tension between the spouses after the quarrel. Both of partners in family with the presence of destructive conflicts consider as real the threat of divorce. Constructive conflict supposes removal of stress at the relations of partners. Though after the quarrel remain aftertaste, but spouses begin to take good care of each other, tend to understand each other.

Family psychotherapeutist Virginia Satir affirms that the atmosphere of conflict marital alliance can be sensed, as soon as you are caught to such family. Faces and bodies of people indicate their sufferings, their bodies are fettered and strained, or they awkwardly stoop. Their faces seem to be gloomy, sullen or sad, can´t express something, like masks. Eyes staring to the floor, they don´t see another people. It seems that they not only don´t see but also don´t hear. Their voices sound rare and rasping or almost are not heard.

American scientist Dale Carnegie affirms that is hard to establish a border between where ends romantic love and begins the theater of military operations. In the family, where relations resemble military operations, the condition of spouses is analogous to the condition of people at war.

Besides, famous psychologist M. Argail notes that married people at the less degree suffer from psychic disorders, then those who have never been married, and then spouses who live separately, then divorced people or widowers. So at the period of initial marriage adaptation there is formed general idea of spouses about marriage and family. As the rule it happens at the result of col-

lision of views of husband and wife to the family life. At the first stages of family life, at the period of adaptation, more exactly at the period of teaching of life together, spouses are more often than not caught by little, unimportant mistakes, which usually leads to so little conflicts. As considers famous Soviet psychologist V. Levi, quarrel should be anatomized and relations should be cleared up. But in such clearings we should follow one rule: each person should talk only about his own mistakes. It´s impossible to turn life into a solid showdown, differently from quite haven family will turn into a theater of military operations. If there is a deal of dissatisfaction and there are a lot of claims to each other, V. Levi recommends carrying out "cleansing games" or role training. There is only one way to solve family problems, conflict situations, deliverance from offence - this is communication of spouses, ability to talk with each other and hear each other. Behind protracted, unsolved conflict, as the rule, is inability to communicate.

American psychologist J. Gottman, who specially studied the process of family communication, revealed interesting regularities of spouse´s communication at conflict families. First of all for these families there is character excessive constraint of communication. Members of such families almost afraid to say themselves words, express they experience, feelings. Conflict families are more «silent» than harmonious, in conflict families spouses more rarely share information, avoid «excess» talks, obviously they afraid of accidently arisen quarrel. At conflict families spouse practically don´t say «we», they prefer to say «me». And this testifies to isolation of spouses, to emotional disconnection, about that this feeling «we» at this family didn´t form.

Thereby hardships of young family are the complex of psychological, sociological, economical, juridical problems. The choice of life way, getting of a profession, professional development, search for favorite job etc, all this is the general direction of modern youth. Stable successful family can function only while certain preparation of young people for marriage. Agreement of spouses´ needs is difficult task, but also necessary, because on the success of its solving depends the stability of marriage and marital relations.